|[TM] 164 - What are you waiting for?
||[Feb. 5th, 2007|12:20 pm]
Specialist Ronon Dex
I’m waiting for the day I can wake up and it’s easier.
I don’t do much around the station...I have a few friends, I do my job and I try to get along...but I’m still apart from these people, even from Teyla. It’s not a matter of feeling like an outsider...Atlantis is the first real home I’ve known in years. The people here have bent over backwards to make me feel at home, and I do...I feel like I do have a place, that I belong.
And Teyla, the other Athosians...they’ve helped me, too. They’re not from Earth, they know what it’s like to be the odd one out. Even though they’ve colonized the mainland, they’re still two peoples trying to learn to live together...the Athosians and the Atlantis team.
But I’m afraid to call them mine...my friends, my people, my home. It’s the old fear, taken root and flourishing in the darkness rather than the light. I’m afraid of losing, of being lost and helpless again.
I’m tired of running...but I’m scared to stop. I’ve killed people that way in the past. And I know that it was a different time, a different circumstance...apples and oranges, like Dr. Weir would say...but it doesn’t make it any easier to stop being afraid, to make real roots and forge a new life for myself. Closer relationships, a real calling...maybe even finding new love one day, something that can light my life like Malina did. No one can ever replace her...but not all love’s the same.
And that’s the long and short of it...I’m waiting for it to be easier to keep on living again.
I’m waiting for the day it’s easier to finally rest.
Muse: Ronon Dex
Fandom: Stargate ATLANTIS