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Specialist Ronon Dex

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[TM] 171 - What is the biggest mistake you've made in a relationship? [Mar. 26th, 2007|03:21 pm]
Specialist Ronon Dex
[Tags|, ]
[Current Location |my quarters]
[mood |cynicalcynical]

I’d say letting someone die is a pretty big relationship mistake, wouldn’t you?

Because that’s what happened...on Sateda, when the Wraith came. Melina...it hurts me just to say her name. I watched her die during that final battle...just before I was taken. And it all happened because we were arguing...a stupid, important, life-or-death fight about leaving through the Ring of the Ancestors.

The worst, and best thing about Melina was how hard she fought. How hard *we* fought...getting along with her was always harder than arguing. The fights came easy...and they were good, for both of us. She was so small and delicate looking, with those big wide eyes that gave her a look of perpetual fear. Sheppard describes it as a ‘deer caught in headlights’ look. I don’t know what either of those are.

A lot of days, arguing with Melina was a joy, no matter how mad she made me. It only reminded me why I loved her...the strength, the vitality in her, and the relentless drive she had that let her get anything she wanted. She wasn’t like any woman I’ve ever known. The days we didn’t butt heads were the days that bothered me.

Fighting was just so natural...talking. Arguing.

I should have forced her that day in the hospital. Picked her up and carried her out. It may not have saved her...probably wouldn’t have saved her in the end.

But if I had...I could have looked back and said that I tried.

And at least that would have been better than this.

Muse: Ronon Dex
Fandom: Stargate ATLANTIS
Words: 267
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[TM] 168 - Party [Mar. 2nd, 2007|03:19 pm]
Specialist Ronon Dex
[Tags|, , ]
[mood |amusedamused]

I’ve never really liked parties or celebrations...I never know what to do with myself. So, I don’t go to them very often, but I did go to one recently...sort of. It was Jim and Addie’s wedding reception. See, she planned this surprise wedding and sprang it on him when he came back from an offworld mission. It’s hard to surprise that guy, being that he’s damn near psychic...but she surprised the hell outta him.

Anyway, after the ceremony everything sort of moved into the mess hall...and I can honestly say it’s the first party in a while I haven’t been uncomfortable at. Just congratulating Jim and Addie was an event, given that...well...Jim was part of it.

The biggest part of the reception was just the fact that it was happy...everyone was happy. And it was a real thing, the fact that everyone was happy for the couple. It’s rare when you see that...people just standing around, talking, and being well and truly happy for someone else. I mean...Jim and Addie are nothing special. I don’t mean it maliciously...Addie’s an unusually strong woman and Jim’s some kind of supergenius, but they’ve both worked really hard to be unremarkble, normalcy and being ordinary is special for them.

But you take the two of them together...and you have something amazing. Real love, true love, probably a love that should never have existed. They never would have met if not for Atlantis...and I can tell you right now, the two of them will probably outlast any couple you could possibly think of.

Truth be told, I haven’t seen or felt anything like what I saw on their faces since my Melina bound herself to me. I like to think that if we’d ever actually married, that we might have been like Jim and Addie.

And seeing them together, actually getting to that point where all they have is their whole lives ahead of them...two pieces of a whole...some days, it kinda gives me hope for guys like me.

I may never find someone like Melina again...I may never want to...but if that day ever comes where a woman crosses my path, I just hope I get as lucky as Jim Riley did.

Muse: Ronon Dex
Fandom: Stargate ATLANTIS
Words: 383
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[TM] 165 - Night [Feb. 20th, 2007|04:06 pm]
Specialist Ronon Dex
[Tags|, ]
[mood |angryangry]

It was still night outside...morning hadn’t come, there was no battle to fight. Not yet.

Melina still lived...she lay beside him, warm and soft and tucked perfectly against his body. In the morning he would fight, and in the morning she would go through the Ring of the Ancestors to safety.

It sun still slept...it was still night. Endless, eternal, damned and blackest night...

Ronon had never been much good at self-deception, and now was no exception. The darkness that wrapped around him, a seductive caress from a beautiful demon, promised all manner of blessings. Oblivion...forgetting...sweet death waited in the artificial night aboard the Wraith ship.

He wept inwardly for the chance to let go. He pleaded for the ability to join Melina, to end everything by simply giving up. It was all Ronon wanted....and totally out of his control.

Ronon Dex had never been capable of giving up...there were few things he had ever failed at, and complacency had always been one of them. In the deepest corners of his psyche was some place where, no matter the weight he carried, Ronon could simply not be broken. It simply bent, molding to pain and hardship and suffering until the day when he had enough strength to throw off every impossible yoke that sought to keep him shackled.

He could not lie. He could not stop.

And so when the Wraith came and he felt the burning, the tearing of his life about to leave him, his very soul cried out in rage. The heart of the warrior beat harder and tore back, clinging to every trace of energy, every scrap of life.

Ronon clung so hard that the Wraith stopped feeding...and when he saw the creature’s eyes, he knew that he had yet to know the kind of endless night that would very soon descend upon him.

Muse: Ronon Dex
Fandom: Stargate ATLANTIS
Words: 315
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[TM] 164 - What are you waiting for? [Feb. 5th, 2007|12:20 pm]
Specialist Ronon Dex
[Tags|, ]
[mood |blahblah]

I’m waiting for the day I can wake up and it’s easier.

I don’t do much around the station...I have a few friends, I do my job and I try to get along...but I’m still apart from these people, even from Teyla. It’s not a matter of feeling like an outsider...Atlantis is the first real home I’ve known in years. The people here have bent over backwards to make me feel at home, and I do...I feel like I do have a place, that I belong.

And Teyla, the other Athosians...they’ve helped me, too. They’re not from Earth, they know what it’s like to be the odd one out. Even though they’ve colonized the mainland, they’re still two peoples trying to learn to live together...the Athosians and the Atlantis team.

But I’m afraid to call them mine...my friends, my people, my home. It’s the old fear, taken root and flourishing in the darkness rather than the light. I’m afraid of losing, of being lost and helpless again.

I’m tired of running...but I’m scared to stop. I’ve killed people that way in the past. And I know that it was a different time, a different circumstance...apples and oranges, like Dr. Weir would say...but it doesn’t make it any easier to stop being afraid, to make real roots and forge a new life for myself. Closer relationships, a real calling...maybe even finding new love one day, something that can light my life like Malina did. No one can ever replace her...but not all love’s the same.

And that’s the long and short of it...I’m waiting for it to be easier to keep on living again.

I’m waiting for the day it’s easier to finally rest.

Muse: Ronon Dex
Fandom: Stargate ATLANTIS
Words: 294
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[TM] 161 - The Morning After [Jan. 12th, 2007|10:38 am]
Specialist Ronon Dex
[Tags|, ]
[mood |awake]

((NOTE: Takes place after SATEDA, and is based off of RP version of canon with a guest appearance by irish_sherlock.))

Ronon couldn`t remember the last time he`d been so sore in his life...except for that one time on Hythia when a group of Wraith had hit him particularly hard.Collapse )

Muse: Ronon Dex
Fandom: Stargate ATLANTIS
Words: 671
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[TM] 160 - What song best describes your life? [Jan. 8th, 2007|03:21 pm]
Specialist Ronon Dex
[Tags|]
[mood |blankblank]

Belief is overrated. So is faith. The two of them have always gotten me into trouble in my life. I believed in my people, in the form of my government...and I had faith in my people as a whole, in our heart and our spirit. My faith in both was ultimately betrayed...because we fell. They fell...Sateda was lost.

I was alone...and alone worked for me. The one place I stayed when the Wraith turned me into a Runner...gone. Alone I was safe...I could trust myself, and occasionally I found people that were almost worth trusting.

The number grew as time wore on...a person here and a person there, friends to anyone that opposed the Wraith. I never lingered too long, but there were those that helped me on my way, people to whom I still owe a debt.

I came to realize that groups aren’t worth anyone’s time...when people come together in groups, it’s a harmful and sick-making thing. It’s people that you can count on...not races or governments or collectives.

ATLANTIS was proof of that. Teyla, Weir, Sheppard, Sorokin, the Rileys, even Weiss when she was here...a lot of them represent larger groups, but those don’t mean anything to me. This United States government back on Earth, the military, the SGC that Weir reports to...none of them matter.

The Ancestors are no exception...they turned us out of the city. And Weir’s precious government let them. Then the Athosians...they were no better. I trusted Teyla to back me up in a fight, but acting on behalf of her people she acted for the whole. It’s the whole that made them weak...I don’t say this with malice, and I won’t bother to hide this away. Before Sheppard, Weir, McKay and everyone showed back up to reclaim the city from the Replicators, Teyla knows well enough that I was close to moving on.

Those in power will betray you...but friends never will. I trust people...the eyes I can look into, the hands I can shake and the voices that will join mine to celebrate a victory in battle. I don’t put any faith in what lies beyond that in terms of numbers.

The only group of people I know I can put any faith in are *my* people. I’ve made the mistake of believing otherwise more than once...and so help me, I won’t make that mistake again.

WON`T GET FOOLED AGAIN by The WhoCollapse )

Muse: Ronon Dex
Fandom: Stargate ATLANTIS
Words: 409 (w/o lyrics)
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[TM] Change Society [Dec. 8th, 2006|10:52 pm]
Specialist Ronon Dex
[Tags|]
[mood |calmcalm]



You want to know what I’d change about my society? The arrogance...the belief in our own superiority, in the strength of our civilization. Too many believed in our advancements and our cities, in our science and our development.

Not enough of us believed in the *people*...it wasn’t about Sateda, but the Satedans. Our cities and our weapons and our science weren’t enough to stop the Wraith from coming...it was the strength of a few and the wit of still fewer that got three hundred of my kind to safety. It was the power of the people and the ferocity with which they fought to stay alive that dealt the Wraith such a blow that they had to wipe out everything.

Our guns didn’t stop them and our defense couldn’t keep us safe...but our will to live was so great that the only way they were able to take us was to destroy us completely. It was those of us who believed in our own strength that were the last to be taken...it was those who put faith in themselves that were the very last to die.

I believed in the fight...in facing the Wraith head on. I wasn’t ready to trust Kell and the chieftans to save me and mine...I went out and I killed them. I knew that I might die, but for every second of my life that I wasn’t going to be able to live out, I made sure that *two* of them would die with me.

Many years were repaid in blood during that final fight...but in the end, even though I lost everything...the *only* thing that I held dear? I lived to tell the tale of Sateda’s final stand.

And as painful as it was to revisit my lost life...my one great failure on the streets of those cities...it’s the knowledge that there could have been more which will always haunt me. Just one more...because Melena had too much faith in Sateda, and Sateda didn’t have enough faith in itself to know when the need for survival was greater than the need for pride.



Muse: Ronon Dex
Fandom: Stargate ATLANTIS
Words: 370
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[CM] 003 - Serendipity [Nov. 27th, 2006|05:17 pm]
Specialist Ronon Dex
[Tags|]
[mood |calmcalm]

I never meant to go back to that planet...to that village I wiped out just by showing up, but one way or another I got stuck there with the rest of the ATLANTIS team.Collapse )

Muse: Ronon Dex
Fandom: Stargate ATLANTIS
Words: 546
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[CM] APPLICATION - What do you regret the most? [Oct. 23rd, 2006|03:48 am]
Specialist Ronon Dex
[Tags|, ]
[mood |blankblank]

There’s a lot of things in my life that I regret…most of ‘em were things I did during the seven years I spent running from the Wraith. Everything I did was about survival…staying alive, staying one step ahead, and after that one horrible mistake I made in actually *staying* somewhere long enough to get people hurt…

Picking just one thing is hard…but I’d have to say that of all the regrets I’ve got, the biggest one hanging over my head is failing.

It’s been a little while since I went back to my home world, but the memories are still fresh…and not just of what I went through, but what I did.

What I couldn’t do.

There’s not a day goes by that I don’t think about my people…the final battle I fought in. There’s days I wish that the Wraith had killed me…that they could have ended my suffering and delivered the kind of justice I deserved for not doing a better job of defending my home…defending the woman I loved, the cause I believed in.

But they let me live…and I think, in some ways, it’s a worse punishment…living, I mean. Knowing every day that the voices of the past will never die…that I can never rest until the Wraith have been wiped out.

They destroyed my home…left all but a few hundred of us alive out of thousands. Three hundred Satedans…three hundred souls out of so very many that once lived and thrived. And I tried…I tried so hard to fight for them all.

But in the end they all died. And others…Kell, and more Wraith than I can count, have died by my own hand.

I always fought for life…and now I’m a bringer of death.

And in that…I failed.

Muse: Ronon Dex
Fandom: Stargate ATLANTIS
Words: 294
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[EM]: Topic 8 - One Person You Couldn't Live Without [Aug. 9th, 2006|10:53 am]
Specialist Ronon Dex
[Tags|]
[mood |busy]

I was recently taken hostage by the Wraith for the second time in my life...at least before the third time, which didn’t fall too long after. I was on the hive ship with Dr. McKay, and naturally I was trying to escape. If I didn’t...I’d be Wraith food and I would die.

But as I sat there, struggling within a Wraith cocoon, trying to get to one of the knives they hadn’t managed to take off of me, my motives changed. I stopped fighting less for simple survival...and more to shut McKay the hell up.

I’m trying to remember the word I heard Dr. Beckett use...always being negative...pessimist. That’s it. Rodney McKay is a whiny, *annoying* pessimist, so much so that sometimes I wonder if he’s doing it on purpose or not.

Still...all his moaning and lamenting did light a fire under me. For all I know, it gave me the strength to do what I needed to do in order to get free. Moving in those cocoons is damn near impossible on a *good* day, and I wasn’t having a very good day at the time, know what I mean?

It’s just a part of who he is...and I can’t blame him for that. Plus, for all I know, it saved our lives, so if McKay’s histrionics ended up helping us in the long run? Guess I have to sort of give him credit where credit’s due...but that doesn’t mean that I won’t keep busting him for it.

Literally, if he *really* pisses me off.

Muse: Ronon Dex
Fandom: Stargate: ATLANTIS
Words: 263
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